Not only is this my first official blog, but this is also my first opportunity beyond the Seminary to share core elements which serve as cornerstones of my spiritual journey.  In the Seminary, students are constantly reflecting on prayer, scripture, text books, Biblical history, and of course, the wondrous experiences we have with God.  Not only do we write about these aspects of our spiritual journey, but more importantly, we are in constant reflection of how these aspects are transforming us into the likeness of Jesus Christ.  In context of this transformation, I find that my relationship with God continues to grow exponentially, and my love for humanity continues to emanate out of my love for God.   

 
My concern for the plights of humanity burgeoned shortly after my baptism at 10 years-old.  As a preadolescent, I decided to one day become a psychologist so I could help people find their way in life. Then through adolescence, as I became increasingly involved in the Youth Group, I found joy in serving others by working in church and summer camps.  As my relationship with God began to flourish, so did my love of serving others.  As a young adult, I found joy working with students with developmental disabilities and providing care to children and adolescents infected with the AIDS virus. By serving those individuals or populations that others typically chose to avoid, I was doing just as Jesus did—serving the marginalized.  Being raised in a Christian home made all the difference to me.

And now, though years of practice as a psychologist and nearing my final year in the Seminary, I amplify the echo of my affection for God and serving my fellow brothers and sisters on Earth.  Although I could describe other elements which testify to my faith, the most poignant evidence of my spiritual journey is my joy of servanthood.  Not only does this evidence the witness of Jesus Christ, but embracing people of all cultures, religions, and walks of life is a testament to the power of God’s transformation in my life.   

Naturally, I have had many highs and lows along my journey, and this brief snapshot illustrates a few of the highlights.  However much or little you are comfortable sharing; please share elements of your spiritual journey.  We have so much to learn from one another!

Tuesday Tickler

In the spirit of our 2012 FCC Lenten Devotional Guide, the topics for this week have included forgiveness, mercy, suffering, grief, and trust. I hope that you have found peace in your devotional prayer time this week. And in context of the incident which occurred at Chardon High School in Ohio on Monday, details are coming forth of the victims as well as the alleged perpetrator of the homicides. Not only is this a time of grief, fear, and disbelief in the community of Chardon, but naturally, as the backstory of this violent occurrence becomes told, many questions arise as to how the carnage could have been prevented and why did have to get this far. Consequently, many questions do become logically answered and unfortunately, many remain left to speculation and irresponsible blame.

As a psychologist who has worked closely with school districts in the midst of tragedies such as this, as well as with the frightened families whom are victimized and the more frightened families with the students whom commit these horrific acts, I must lift up in prayer these families as well as all of those in Chardon whom are impacted by this event. Not only is this a time of prayer as we compassionately endure the pain with these families and in unison grieve the loss of these young lives and the normalcy of Chardon, but this also serves as a time of reflection of the children and adolescents in our lives who count on us for love, support, structure, nurturing, discipline—all of those elements which foster a trajectory toward health and well-being. What can we do within the four walls of our home to prevent our child from going down such a dark path? Is it possible slow a downward spiral if it has already begun? Where do we begin as a faith community to ponder such weighty issues?

While these questions cannot possibly be addressed in their entirely in this blog, I can offer some tangible recommendations as well as some heartfelt encouragement. When tragedies such as this become front page news, it often leads to a state of hyper-vigilance where we adults are on “red alert” and we watch our children and teenagers like hawks. Sadly, over time, because our lives are not immediately impacted, we eventually return to our daily routines. Even our prayers for the families whom are affected slowly trail off and other prayer requests take precedence. While we do not have to maintain the state of hyper-vigilance, and cannot possibly do so with any success, we can still retain a proactive stance, therefore empowering ourselves and taking accountability for the climate in our homes. The following are recommendations and ideas to consider. They may even elicit some questions you may have which may open up some dialogue to discuss in another format:

• Remember, above all, what happens in the four walls of the home are most critical to a child’s overall development. We must take responsibility for our homes and our relationships.
• Communication is the lifeline within our relationships. Understand that our words represent 20% of the way we communicate, our behavior 80%. We don’t always interpret behavior the same way. We must use our voices and match our behavior to the message we’re speaking.
• Do not undervalue the medium of Social Networking. Our teenagers communicate in a many ways. Learn these ways they communicate and commit yourself to keeping with their pace.
• Know your child or teenager’s school’s policies on Suicide Prevention, Bullying Prevention and find out who is in charge of these programs. Who do you go to for help? Find out today.
• Keep in mind that your son or daughter has a vast network of relationships beyond you. Keep the lines of communication open. Develop relationships with other parents. Above all, remain observant to changes in your child’s relationships. If you want your son or daughter to share their lives with you, do not judge or criticize. The door of communication will close immediately.
• Grades are a wonderful barometer of how a child or teenager is doing overall. If your child has a sudden drop in grades, take this as a symptom of something happening. School conferences are so important to get a picture of your child’s behavior in the school.
• The issue of sleep is critical to the health of our teenagers. As the start of the day in High School becomes earlier, our teens are becoming less apt to function well. They end up relying on energy drinks to keep the pace and consequently their sleep cycle worsens. This greatly impacts their ability to function, to learn, and keep emotionally balanced. Does this describe your teen?
• If your child or teenager is in therapy, keep the lines of communication open with the therapist and respect the boundary of confidentiality. Your child will respect you for it!
• Do you have guns in the home? Are they accessible? They must be inaccessible.
• Children become suicidal when two factors come together: hopelessness and helplessness. Who would you call if your child needed help today? Some people call their Doctor. Some call their church for resources. Who would you call for the name of a therapist? Find a resource.
• Children and teenagers must be encouraged to report suspicious behavior or even outright alarming behavior to you or a School Administrator. They are not tattling when a life or lives are at stake. You must communicate this to them! Give them permission to tell someone. Each shooting which has occurred in this country, the perpetrator has in some way communicated their plans to others; their intentions were dismissed. “I didn’t believe them.” When we encourage our children, we empower them. They can share their concerns with a school counselor, the principal, yourself—any listening ear has the responsibility to take action! Taking actions means ensuring the safety of others, which in case of the school you should call the school principal and/or administration building. If your child says a friend is suicidal, you should call their parents and offer some resources along with your compassionate heart.

This is just an initial list of items I considered as I ponder the needs of children and adolescents. Just as they need a nutritious diet, amble exercise, and a great deal of sleep , they also need adults who will consider their needs ,their wants, their longings, their dreams as well as their challenges, their pain, their struggle, and their heartbreaks. This takes a great deal of balance. On one hand, we cannot spoil our children to where they can’t deal with disappointment, cope with frustration, or learn to move on from failure. They only develop a strong sense of entitlement that they will never overcome. On the other hand, they have emotional needs that only the loving attention of the trusted adults in their lives can fill. Please understand that incidents which took place in Chardon, Ohio as well as other similar tragedies happen as a result of a number of variables--not just one element is to blame but more so a constellation of events come into play. As individuals, let’s commit to praying for the community of Chardon through the 40 days of lent. As a church, let’s remain committed to nurturing the children and youth at FCC who we see week after week. We have such a blessed faith community. If you have any questions or concerns you would like to discuss, feel free to talk with me Sunday.

God bless you!